Re-Grand Opening!

The Day has come and I will be opening the brand new location of our gallery tomorrow morning. I am a bit unnerved as if I feel there is so much more to get done. Once again a lot of issues outside of myself have come up with this opening. I recieved my permit from City of Annapolis with awesome timing but my other permit has yet to arrive. I’ll have to keep an eye out for it at my location since the postman has yet to understand where I live. Verizon has created such a nightmare for me and I never wish to be in business with them again. Due to their failure to provide, I’ll be without internet/phone line for my opening. Fortunately – if all goes well, I will have access to WiFi but it will still create an issue of no credit cards for opening weekend. Luckily enough – the new barbershop has his own ATM – so that will be nice. I’ll be weary of taking checks – as they may be faulty. I’ll have to take down CC #s anyways. I think Ive picked an outfit for tomorrow but kind of mad at myself for not taking the time to go find something new and cute. Im aiming to give myself enough time in the morning but I dont see that happening. I want to wake up early and go by my parents house, grab a few things, stop in the store for a bit to go over some things then go to my hair appointment and head back to my house to have them drop me off at my shop. SO MUCH back and forth but its what needs to be done. So I will do it.

 

Im hoping tomorrow goes well. Most of me feels that it will but then other parts feels maybe it wont. Will everything be tagged? Will people like what’s in my shop? Will any of my friends come by or just wait to drink afterwards? How about my family….most relatives cant make it – not even my brother. That leaves my sister and my parents….who knows I guess. Jimmy is going to be working for the first portion of my opening – which is fine. Im glad he’ll be making some money and keeping busy. Just sucks because I know he’ll be tired from work then taking his car to the shop….which means, maybe he’ll be irritated or annoyed by the time he arrives. Will I be bummed that he’s missing my opening? Kinda like last time….he came on time [kinda] but left a lot. Then day 2 – he went to NYC and hurt his back. I dont want to seem needy…so I wont say much. At least his sister, Jenn, is in town. She’s been my real back bone through all of this. Im grateful to have someone like her in my life and by my side.

It sucks having to keep a part time job just to know I can support having this business – it sucks as far as picking store hours and deciding what hours to keep at work – alongside of knowing my car lease ends in about 15 days – and then I have to see if I can afford a scooter or just borrow Jimmys car. Which sucks cause I am not one to want to be dependent. Fortunately enough- his new job – gives him a work van. ALl in all – things can work out. It just sucks knowing that its not the way I would want:
I wish: I had my own car, that I could afford payments, insurance and gas. No need of a parttime job – had all the free time to be in the shop with no worries. Provide for my ownself, dogs and Jimmy via my business and photography. Be engaged and know I am with the right person. Have my family be there when full support is needed. Spent an hour or two each day at the gym.

Reality: I lease a car through my Dad – and could never afford payments/insurance – only gas. I NEED a parttime – just to survive with the business…barely even my own self. Which is why I have to hope this business takes off well. Jimmy is still super afraid of commitment – although our relationship has grown so intensely – Its a great feeling. My family is there when they can be in all ways possible in others. They mean well – and its selfish of me to want their free time. Im very emotional and vulnerable and I need people. Im a slacker and make excuses and put silly things before important ones.

 

At the end of the day – I need to realize I am a lot more fortunate than others are. I need to see the good in myself and more importantly, other people. I need to remind myself this business isnt a selfish thing – yet something to help others who are so talented/creative/gifted – who need an outlet, need to be understood and liked. I need to Thank God – for giving me the opportunity to express myself. I need to love Jimmy with all my heart and know that one day it will come together – if its supposed to. I need to be grateful to my family – no matter how insane we all are. I love them and couldnt be me without them.

Im scared. Im happy. Im sad. Im depressed. Im ecstatic….all at once. Ive cried myself to sleep a lot lately…but its because Im letting go of fears and moving forward.

 

Thanks be to God.